I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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