I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
