i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize