No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
