we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
