I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
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