What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
