So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
