i don't like sucking hair
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
