god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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