Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If I die, sorry about rent.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
