When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
