Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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