cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
