at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
