It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
