Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
