Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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