Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
