What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
