Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
you inspire me to be a worse person
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
