the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
