"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
