please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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