I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
