You're my little dorito
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
