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• (513): View more from Ohio

  did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown

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• (845): View more from New York

  I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"

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• (518): View more from New York

  I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention

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• (727): View more from Florida

  So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.

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• (562): View more from California

  Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.

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• (941): View more from Florida

  I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.

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• (343): View more from Ontario

  That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar

  (513): View more from Ohio

  That's fucking great actually

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing

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• (862): View more from New Jersey

  Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"

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• (415): View more from California

  I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard

  (647): View more from Ontario

  I meant his actual lizard not his manhood

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