Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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