Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
