Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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