you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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