then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
