Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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