the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
