As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
