i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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