so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
