I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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