Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
