Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
