i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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