she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
