You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Randomize