So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
