i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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