nut hugger
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
