you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
