Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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