Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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