Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
