Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize