dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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