He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
