I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
