Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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