We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
