mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
