And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
