And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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