so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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