you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize