Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
