hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
