I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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