it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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