foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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