So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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