Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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