Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
