Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
