This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
