not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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