you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize