I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
What drink are we having for lunch?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
