I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Randomize
