I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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