Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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