he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
