I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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