I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
