come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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