Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize