Capitaan dildo arrescate!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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