Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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