a queef is a wish your heart makes.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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