lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
