i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
