my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
