I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
