Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
