just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
