I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Randomize
