Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I need a burrito and a hug.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
