I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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