Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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