my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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