How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize