I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
