Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
